Chillin' with the Catholics

I haven't written anything in awhile, I guess. This last weekend I went snowboarding and rock climbing with the Catholics. Rock climbing was really fun, despite the fact that I might be just a little bit terrible. On the bright side, I didn't drop anyone while I was belaying them. While I was belaying BR; however, I did end up flying off the ground and hanging just about equal with him. That was...safe. Tomorrow is the Mock Trial competition. I hope we don't get schooled. I start paging on March 5.

I'm really not very exciting, so read this poem by e.e. cummings. I think I might love it.

number 29

the greedy the people
(as if as can yes)
they steal and they buy
and they die for because
though the bell in the steeple
says Why

the chary the wary
(as all as can each)
they don't and they do
and they turn to a which
though the moon in her glory
says Who

the busy the millions
(as you're as can i'm)
they flock and they flee
through a thunder of seem
though the stars in their silence
say Be

the cunning the craven
(as think as can feel)
they when and they how
and they live for until
though the sun in his heaven
says Now

the timid the tender
(as doubt as can trust)
they work and they pray
and they bow to a must
though the earth in her splendor
say May

Ashley

Jack Johnson

"It wasn't me," says the boy with the gun. "Sure, I pulled the trigger, but it needed to be done, because life's been killing me ever since it begun. You can’t blame me, because I'm too young"

"You can’t blame me. Sure, the killer was my son, but I didn't teach him to pull the trigger of the gun. It's the killing on his TV screen. You can’t blame me; it’s those images he sees."

"Well, you can’t blame me," says the media man. "I wasn't the one who came up with the plan. I just point my camera at what the people want to see. Man, it's a two way mirror, and you can’t blame me."

"You can’t blame me," says the singer of the song or the maker of the movie, which he based his life on. "It's only entertainment, as anyone can see. The smoke machines and makeup…hey, you can’t fool me."

It was you, it was me, it was every man. We've all got the blood on our hands. We only receive what we demand, and if we want hell, then hell is what we’ll have.

Willa Cather

The sound of an approaching train woke him and he started to his feet, remembering only his resolution, and afraid lest he should be too late. He stood watching the approaching locomotive, his teeth chattering, his lips drawn away from them in a frightened smile; once or twice he glanced nervously sidewise, as though he were being watched. When the right moment came, he jumped. As he fell, the folly of his haste occurred to him with merciless clearness, the vastness of what he had left undone. There flashed through his brain, clearer than ever before, the blue of Adriatic water, the yellow of Algerian sands.

He felt something strike his chest – his body being thrown swiftly through the air, on and on, immeasurably far and fast, while his limbs gently relaxed. Then, because the picture making mechanism was crushed, the disturbing visions flashed into black, and Paul dropped back into the immense design of things.

It's all broken.

I’m really disillusioned and I know that few people would have even an infinitesimal desire to talk with me about it, so I’m going to talk with myself. This is only the beginning. You can play if you want.

“We love our freedom and we will fight to keep it.” – G.W. Bush's State of the Union address

Now, yes, I like freedom. I also think fighting to keep it enslaves us. I don’t believe that freedom is something you can go out and die for, because it only forges more restraints. For instance, in order to fight this terrorism that we are all so frightened of we apparently have to give up our rights to privacy.

Being the good Americans that we all are, we think it abhorrent to give up our right to privacy, but they have found a way to successfully take it from us. They’ve found that fear is the greatest motivator, and if they can keep us scared long enough, we will give them what they want. They even made up a cool multi-color “Homeland Security Advisory System,” which indicates how scared we ought to be.

You realize that it will never go to the blue or green level. It’s all just a ridiculous ploy. We are pawns in a game that people don’t even know is being played.

Now that we have that out of the way, this new government wiretapping business has me a bit suspicious. I guess this argument can go a couple of ways, depending on what you believe.

First of all, it violates federal laws, The Federal Wiretap Act of 1968 and The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act of 1978. G.W. is running under the idea that, “If the president does it, then it’s not illegal.” I think it goes without saying that this sentiment is ridiculous.

Now, I understand that it may be necessary to electronically eavesdrop to protect the safety of the American public, but I absolutely disagree with the way that it is being carried out. Obviously this argument has two steps to it, which makes it automatically difficult to understand, and even harder to pitch to anyone. Let me try to shorten it:
Want to get a court order?
Great!
Want to do whatever you want without being held liable?
Sorry, no.

Not only that, but I am automatically suspicious when the government says that it “knows" anything, and you should be too. I am convinced that the government will say anything to achieve its goals. It’s no secret that the institution’s only responsibility is to sustain itself. Its responsibility is not to tell the truth, not to make moral decisions, just to survive.

Which is why, even though they are supposed to “know” that these people are terrorists, it shouldn’t change the fact that there should be some sort of check on the power of the executive to eavesdrop. I simply don’t believe that they “know” anything.

The less we force government officials to tell us, the less accountable they are kept. As accountability decreases, corruption increases. It all becomes a total erosion of everything the American people have ever believed about civil liberties. To give up liberty for some sort of feigned security is an unreasonable notion. It will end up as a slippery slope. The government takes away these few rights this time, and a few rights the next time, and on and on until we’re left with nothing. We never really notice that they’re being taken away because they slip quietly. But really, it becomes a complete, slow destruction.

Next, this generation of idiots…

We are idiots. We do not think. We do not ask questions. We do not read. We are subservient. We are acquiescent. We are obedient. Why? I agree that it’s nearly impossible to speak truth to power, but why not try?

For one thing, we are raised in a society that is contingent upon complacency, especially our formal education. Every time I opened my mouth in this “education system” to discount or disagree with an opinion of my teacher, I was effectually thrown out of class. Once or twice, I was literally, physically thrown out.

The system is broken, or maybe it’s doing just what they want. It doesn’t teach kids or anyone, for that matter, to think. It teaches them to follow, unquestioningly, every rule. It certainly produces a bunch of illiterate, subservient, acquiescent, obedient people who will bend to will of whatever authority figure happens to be there to direct them at the moment. There is no standing out, up, or really, any standing at all.

I might be…I am an idealist. A great deal of my idealism, however, gets frustrated. Frustrated because of the way things are, because of the sense that the political establishment is so fixed in its ways that no one can change anything. So I know I can’t change the world, even though I very much want to. I don’t believe, however, in throwing up your hands and saying, “to hell with it.” My political views, opinions, and overt opposition toward authority probably won’t stand out in anyone’s mind, but I have to stand. I can’t do much, but maybe if I make enough noise, someone, someday will hear me. So if I can’t stand out, I’ll stand anyway.

Ashley

As he died to make men holy,
Let us live to make men free.

This is Calcutta; Bohemia is dead.

Well, Cindy Boyle and I went to see Krysta up in Rocky I this past weekend. We got to play with Katie McTavish and her sister Ashley, as well as David Lopez, Joshua, and Hannah. It was pretty great, even though Josh felt like death. A muddy puddle and a sandwich filled with vinaigrette dressing attributed in a large part to my inability to keep either pair of my pants clean.

We went to Mr. Augustana, the crack-whore doctor’s office, the local hospital parking lot, the mall, Hooters, and a Panera that was potentially populated with the entire city. I also had love professed to me by David Lopez, because I like the West Wing, and got hated on for reading the paper and talking about Palestine. Also, a half naked girl, whom no one knew, was found sitting and crying in David and Bob’s room in the middle of the night, and would not speak to anyone. She then proceeded to disappear with one of Bob’s shirts in tow.

Not going to lie to you, one of the Mr. Augie contestants became my favorite after singing one of my new favorite songs, “Conservative Christian, Right Wing, Republican, Straight, White, American Males” by Todd Snider. I’ll give you a snippet, if you so desire. Well, this is my blog, so I’m going to do it even if you aren’t desirous.

Conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American males.

Gay bashing, black fearing, poor fighting, tree killing, regional leaders of sale.

Frat housing, keg tapping, shirt tucking, back slapping, haters of hippies like me.

Tree hugging, peace loving, pot smoking, porn watching, lazy ass hippies like me.

Tree hugging, love making, pro choicing, gay wedding, widespread digging hippies like me.

Skin color-blinded, conspiracy-minded, protestors of corporate greed.

We who have nothing and most likely will ‘till we all wind up locked up in jails by conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American males.

Anyway, I think I am really disgruntled. I guess the world really is what it is, and I can’t change anything. But maybe that same idea is the real problem with everything. The other day my mother asked me if I would want to have to fight a war on American soil. I thought that the obvious answer was “no,” and then I thought again.

I said “yes.” Perhaps seeing her friends, neighbors, and children dead in the streets would change her mind about supporting war anywhere. Perhaps that’s just what the whole of the American public needs to see to get their shit straight. We’re seriously living in a fantasy world around here, especially in our famed Ankeny Iowa, and I’m just about pretty darn fucking sick of it. I’m sorry. I really just want to scream.

Ashley

Coming of age during the plague

Of Reagan and Bush

Watching Capitalism gun down Democracy

It had this funny effect on me

I guess

.

I am cancer

I am HIV

And I'm down at the blue Jesus

Blue Cross hospital

Just looking up from my pillow

Feeling blessed

The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test

The world was not a line of cause and effect heading forward forever, but finite and ever repeating, so that all that ever was and ever will be is caught up in now, in endless Recurrence. As Nietzsche glimmered, life is a circle and so it is the going, not the getting there, that counts.

O

Damien Rice - Volcano

This seems to tell the story of a relationship between a younger girl and an older man.

don't hold yourself like that
you'll hurt your knees
I kissed your mouth and back
that's all I need
don't build your world around volcanoes
melt you down

She is either holding herself on her knees in a position of worship, or holding herself in the position of giving him oral sex. Either way, I think the image works. This girl is essentially worshipping this man, but he wants no part of it. She, however, doesn’t know any other way to show her love for him, other than this sort of iconic worship. The “don’t build your world around…” phrase, spoken by the man, is the one that you hear in your head every time you think of pursuing a relationship you know would look bad to the outside world. He’s saying, “Don't build your world around me. As much as we want this, we can’t pursue it. It’s just going to end up badly.”

and what I am to you
is not real
and what I am to you
you do not need
and what I am to you
is not what you mean to me
so give me miles and miles of mountains
and I'll ask for the sea

It’s sort of a retelling of his position. “Whatever you think this was going to be, it’s not.” It almost seems as he has an entire community looking over his shoulder to make sure he says it. This chorus is like every well known, fall back break up line. "What I am to you, you do not need," is very, "It's not you, it's me." Staged and phony, and she can see right through it. The lines about mountains and the sea is set up as a, “the grass is greener on the other side” sort of deal. He’s telling her, “even if you give me this, whatever it is, I would want something else.” But even though he says these things, his voice possesses a certain tinge of longing. He says these things only because he must, and his lust is beside the point.

don't throw yourself like that
in front of me
I kissed your mouth, your back
is that all you need?
don't drag my love around
volcanoes melt me down

She is given the opportunity to answer his statement, and she lets him have it. She is adamant about the fact that she senses he’s lying. “Don’t throw yourself like that,” she says. Don’t lie to me, and don’t drag my love around. The relationship is crumbling.

and what I am to you
is not real
and what I am to you
you do not need
and what I am to you
is not what you mean to me
so give me miles and miles of mountains and I'll ask..

They sing this chorus together, both recognizing the stagnation of the relationship.

..for what I give to you
it's just what I'm going through
this is nothing new
no, no, just another phase of finding
what I really needis what makes me bleed
but like a new disease, lord
she's still too young to treat…

He still feels kind of a yearning for this girl, but knows that the problems that would come out of the relationship would be far more than he is prepared to bear. So he shoves a lie onto her shoulders, denying his sense of longing, and giving in to whatever has insisted that he leave her. He seems to illustrate that this has happened more than once, whether with her or with mutiple other girls. The lines that show us that he still wants to be with her is that he needs what makes him bleed, which is her, a new disease who is too young to treat.

I can’t decide whose fault this relationship is. It could be the guy, who is obviously lusting over this girl, and only leaves her because of some outside force. The outside force is a community, in my opinion. Or it could be the fault of the girl who insists on throwing herself at an older man, though she knows that any relationship between the two of them would make him look bad.

If I had to take an insistent stand I’d say it was his fault. He loved her, and she believed him, and then he thought twice. He has the right idea, though. I think, though he lusts after this girl, he is breaking it off for the right reason. He could easily justify it with many Eastern philosophies that say that life shouldn’t be a struggle. Whatever you want, go for it. Don’t think, don’t question, just do. In this case I think the man is looking at this relationship with this much younger woman and saying, “You know, this isn’t going to work.” I think there’s a chance that he’s being forced into this way of thinking by someone other than himself, but that doesn’t make him all wrong.

Here’s to another relationship, bombed.

Ashley

What makes him stall?
What makes him stand?
And what shakes the elephant?
And what makes a man?
I don't know.